thoughts...

I have been putting this of for a while now... But after a long day of cleaning, vacumming, doing 3 loads of laundry, mopping, and 6 straight hours of watching LOST episodes I now sit on my desk, with a small lamp and a half full cup of lemon tea as my company.

It's supposed to rain all day tomorrow- you know, those foggy, cold, rainy spring days where all you want to do is curl up with a good book and have soup.

Hmm.. curl up with a book- that sounds foreign to me. It's crazy to think that I don't have to memorize things, or write papers, or do a lab report, or go to a lab, or study for a test...

I like where I am right now. The smell of bread baking fills my room, jack johnson is playing on the background and my cup of tea just hit the perfect drinking temperature.

It's hard to describe, but I have been running away from my thoughts today. I have also been chasing after my thoughts, and they lead me to places that are dark, and blurry. Places full of anxiety, and fear. Just like a movie, my thoughts are clear right now, but as I think of the future, the picture gets more and more blurry-and dark.

I should think of my future and BLANK pages, waiting to be filled with life. Heck, I should not chase those thoughts at all, or run away from them. Either way- I will end up tired, exhausted, and with no answers.

There are a couple of things that were highlighted by God in my life today... eerr- these past few days..

1) Pray for knowledge on HOW to love.

I guess I equated physical touch (hugs, kisses, etc) as love. but that is not the case. those are expressions only...

2)learn to not be addicted to thinking...

I have trouble with this one- I can SEE how it helps when you are chasing thoughts, but sometimes you HAVE to think things through.

3) If you are not ready for the consequences of your actions, you are not ready for your actions.

4)If you are mature, you will let go.

5) Freedom is when you do the right thing.

guilt, remorse, depression, sadness is not oppressing you, you can have peace of mind. freedom is not doing whatever the heck you want to do.